come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
