I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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