I'm so fucking centered right now
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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