If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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