At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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