Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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