Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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