someone threw a dead crab at me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
