i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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