I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
