Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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