The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
