Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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