Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
