R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
