I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
