I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
