i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
