Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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