I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
