he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
