she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
