The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We left the knife in your bed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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