The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
