ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
