chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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