i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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