how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
