Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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