We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
