dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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