I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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