it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I got inside last night via doggy door
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
