Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
