Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
