Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
