I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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