when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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