Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
