I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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