do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
