Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
