Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
