cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Where is the hickey?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
