first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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