don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
