life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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