Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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