I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
