Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Still dying that you shit outside
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
