from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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