a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
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That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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