I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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