Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
