i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
