she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
