lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
