so explain again why im purple
no
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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