So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she peed on how many people?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
