if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
