So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
