drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
