My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
