Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
