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Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
