eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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