i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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