Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
