In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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