I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
